Friendship dating and courtship
The goal is to find a lane that is parallel to your most ardent beliefs—and stay in it.When we’re truly operating from a place of authenticity, friendship fissures do not have the same power over us—because we still know who we are and there is much less questioning and reckoning to be done.
If we ourselves have caused the fissure, we self-criticize.No relationship is perfect—and even our very closest, best-of-best-friends-forever bonds can deeply disappoint us, or, worse, break apart.Whether it’s a case of someone saying the wrong thing, falling through on an important commitment, or simply fading away, we can’t always control what goes wrong in our friendships.If it suits you, learn to meditate; walk by the ocean with your feet in the sand; eat whole foods; limit the time you spend on your computer/phone.Allow your curiosity to lead you down uncharted pathways; engage in conversation with a stranger; hold hands with your children. Forgive others every day; forgive yourself every hour; don’t hold resentment tightly. is a Los Angeles-based depth psychologist and therapist with a private practice in Brentwood, where he treats clients for anxiety, depression, addiction, and trauma.When our psychological immune system is strong, we feel balanced and self-assured.
But most of us do not take the time to fortify it, and so we become easily disturbed, exhaustingly sensitive, and more susceptible to fear and doubt. Our ego, or sense of self, may vacillate over a lifetime, but learning to love ourselves (warts and all) and staying true to our guiding belief system is imperative if we want to thrive emotionally—no matter what the situation.
But we can determine how the breakup—or make-up—affects us emotionally, says LA-based depth psychologist Dr.
Carder Stout who specializes in relationships (and frequently contributes to goop—see here).
The truth is, we can’t control anyone besides ourselves—it’s narcissistic to believe otherwise—and sometimes even the best people make mistakes or let us down.
Instead of breaking up with your friend because they have ignored or disappointed you, try to be mindful of times you have done the exact same thing to someone else.
It may take time, but inevitably, you will grow to see that no one in the world has the power to define you (other than yourself).